The Call for Fajr
Who will Rise First.....You or The Sun
Alarm rings......In Arabic
هل لك سر عند الله؟
نينك أنت و بين الله
هل لك صدقات تخفى ؟
لا يعلمها إلا الله
Do you have a secret with Allah?
Between You and Allah
Do you Perhaps have any charity?
That no one knows except Allah
It kept ringing ... but it was missed
Time was running out but Zakiyyah finally wakes up to her alarm affirming the poem,thinking of her secret with her Lord.
If not now,then when,she thought.
Her life isn't so smooth after all, but starting the day with the night prayer could bring about an energy to achieve something meaningful and have a productive day.
How honoured it is to be invited by one's Lord for a private meeting, the meeting she always longs for everyday, with this thought she rises from her bed happily to answer that call.
Here I come, my Lord......she says in a silent tone.
La ilaha illa llah wahdahu la shareekalah lahu mulk wa lahu l hamd,wahuwa ala kuli shayhin Qadiir. Alhamdulillah, wa subhanallah, wa la ilaha illa llah,wallahu Akbar,wala hawla wa la quwwata illa billah,she furthers.
ربي اغفرلي (My Lord, Forgive me),Zakiyyah supplication.
Zakiyyah goes to the bathroom to prepare for the call,she brushes her teeth and performs ablution in the most intentional state.
She heads towards her Musallah (Place of Solah)in her Jilbab with no part of her nakedness exposed. Under the dimmed light,in a quiet state,Allahu Akbar, she did Takbeer.
While praying, Zakiyyah longs for the Sujood, where she would be closer to her Lord ,where she was going to pour her heavy heart to the one who knows within her breasts.
As she reaches for the prostration, she breaks down in a vulnerable state .
My Lord,thank you for everything that had gone, for everything that it is, for everything that would be. All gratitude belongs to you always and forever, she begins.
My Lord, you are my Lord ,there's no one but you,you have created me, and I am your slave and I hold on to you convenant as far as I can, I seek refuge in you from the evil of what I have done. I acknowledge the favours you have bestowed upon me, and I confess my sin. Pardon me for none has power to pardon but you..
My Lord bless our noble prophet,his household,companions and those who follow his footsteps till the day of accountability.
My Lord, I'm in dire need of you and everything you send.
I know I'm nothing but a sinner, please forgive me.
In a teary state, Zakiyyah gets up from sujood and then she observes her last Rak'ah .
She sits on her prayer mat quietly, reminiscing her sins and how her Lord has been merciful on her,she broke into tears.
With a shaky voice ,she raises her hands and tries to reduce the loudness of her tears so she couldn't wake her roommate.
My Lord, I miss you,I miss everything we shared, I miss our conversations,the ones no one knows about except us .
Please forgive me for everything that I have done to earn your displeasure and don't leave me to my affairs even for the blink of an eye.
In between, sniffing back her mucus ,she reaches for tissue and continues her supplication.
My Lord, I'm just a girl journeying to you. Please grant me the strength to stay strong during trying times and let me pass whatever test you put my way.
Make me unite with the Queens of Jannah and let me be honoured to be with the righteous . Let it a union,alongside my family.
Make my heart firm on your religion and let it follow your obedience, oh protector of my heart.
My Lord, let me live in your remembrance, die in your remembrance and resurrect me in your remembrance.
Yaa Rabbal Alameen,Taqabal Da'waaiyy, Zakiyyah says.
Finally realising her state as she felt she was in another world,she wipes her tears and reaches out for the bathroom to wash her swollen face.
It was already close to Fajr,she observes her two Rakah of Fajr and decides to meditate as the wind of Fajr blew into her room,basking in its breeze.
She remembers how everyone would see her, and think she's got no worry as every of her sorrow hides behind her smile,little did they know that it is alway because her day didn't usually start with Fajr but instead Tahajjud.
At that point, some of her roommates were still sleeping even after they were woken.
Perhaps they don't have sorrow,how smooth their lives must have been.
My Lord, if this is what smooth life is about, that it would distance me away from you,then don't test me with it,she prays.
Fajr Breeze indeed,she felt at ease.
The call for Fajr was made,she rises to observe her Fajr .
In the stillness of Fajr, she remembers its blessing.
Witness by Allah
Zakiyyah remembers the verse pertaining to this where Allah says "Indeed the recitation of the Qur'an is ever witnessed .
This is reassuring her that her recitation is witnessed by Allah because he affirms it himself being the most high,the greatest.
Witnessed by the Angels
This is to further point out the importance of the recitation of Fajr that it is not witnessed by only Allah but by the Angels.
Al-Bukhari narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the prophet said ;the prayer offered in congregation is twenty five degrees better than the prayer offered individually and the Angels of the day and night meet at Al-Fajr.
Productivity
As the day unfolds with Fajr and you rise to its blessing, by stretching it into sun rise, you tend to be active and agile ready for the day's activities. This way the day begins with a productive mindset.
Having deep thoughts about this ,she reaches out for her Qur'an.
To begin the day is to begin with the recitation of Fajr witnessed by the her Lord.
What a dawn in the presence of the most highShe finally realises that to succeed in both worlds, she needs to learn to embrace stillness in Tahajjud,solitude in Dhikr, and reflection often in Fajr , where her soul would be nurtured as the striving muslimah that she is.
Everyday she asks herself, who will be the first to rise today …..Me or The Sun.
This question compels her to not give in to any sleep that would want to overtake before sun rises.
And today, she feels whole to have risen before the sun.
Jazakumullahu khayran for reading UR's Journal .
Till I write to you again,
I leave you in the care of my Lord.
UR♡
Baarakallah feek, love. 🤍✨
This is so beautiful and raw. It reminds me how deeply personal the night prayer truly is.